INDICATIONS AND USAGE: Marriage is the therapy of choice for treatment of the condition of being unmarried. Marriage is approved to manage the dread of growing old alone and missing the opportunity to have dinner every night with a special someone, but without talking. Clinical trials indicate that marriage is recommended if you have found either a true soul mate or someone who has an excellent 401(k).
"It may also cause children."!!! Well, that explains how the kids got here.
At least it's probably more effective than multivitamins at extending lifespan.
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